Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
