I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
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Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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