i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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