I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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