he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
