i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
it hurts more in the daytime
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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