i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
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