Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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