i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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