Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you. Go after that dick
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
