I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
