i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize