Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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