is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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