It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
