Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
