Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
