I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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