How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
