is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Drunk is not a location!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
