life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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