he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
