Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So many bounce houses so little time
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
