I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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