I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
