She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
