Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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