I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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