Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
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sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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