That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
