READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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