i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
