I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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