last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
