you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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