I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
