I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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