i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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