Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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