Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
