how can u be prego again
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
