Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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