Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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