and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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