Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
