she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize