Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
