I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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