Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
