Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize