I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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