I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
