so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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