Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
