you will always have a special place in my vag
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
