and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
