The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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